I am 55 years and since 1996 (!) I am wrestling with severe chronic tension and tightness pain in my chest and breathing problems (is it CHV?), due to unresolved emotional issues (anxiety, panic, HSP, OCD, perfectionism, low self esteem, trauma). I have tried lots of therapy, regular and alternative, without finding any relief. I also have been reading very widely (too much?) on different spiritual traditions, psychology, philosophy and all kinds of therapy. The Flemish government (I worked as a social worker in youth care) has put me on sick pension last year. I guess my inner wounded child is in quite a panic and feeling lonely. I cannot relax, due to permanent high activation of the amygdala/sympathic nervous system… and extremely high sensitivity. The pain can be very very severe as if I can’t breath through because of a symbolic knife inside me from back of the head to neck, shoulders, chest, diaphragm. I was verbally attacked in 1996 by my father who had been drinking and pointing at me saying: ‘You won’t have or be able to do anything in your life’. An Indian ayurvedic therapist once diagnosed too much yang, too high vata (air) resulting in breathing disorder and heavy chest pain. But although I tried to find the root cause of all this ( undoubtedly too mentally), I couldn’t understand what it is. The armour around my heart is there since a very long time and there is this awful feeling that my heart (chakra) is closed and I am not able to accept or give love. I am aware I have constructed all this in order to protect myself (ego defensive mechanism) but I don’t succeed thus far to let it go. I keep wondering also wether medication (which I take since years), since it suppresses lots of things, can be an impediment for my inner child work and spiritual growth. Although I don’t take much; I know how addictive this medication is! But on the other Kim Nataraja of the Christian meditation movement told me that it is not an obstacle spiritually since the spirit in me is always pure. Since I have all this debilitating pain (long use of medication makes symptoms even worse!), I am also always very doubtful in my mind about what I have to do. And then I keep asking myself whether I have to search for still another therapy. I was among many other approaches for some time into http://www.traumahealing.com/somatic-experiencing/peter-levine.html) and I found also http://traumaprevention.com/ But there are so many different therapies over there! It feels like I am holding on to things, straining and sabotaging myself, not being able to let go, stepping on the gas (lucky I have a very strong and healthy physical body), perfectionistic and so forth. I am such a driven and passionate person, an artist with lots of energy, which is however not good directed. When I learn something new, as recently EFT or Qigong, I would practise too much every day, attempting to get rid of the pain, which is not a good attitude of acceptance. I read Tara Brach http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html and I come now to my question. I always am struggling with following (either/or or both/and) issue. On the one hand I believe mindfulness meditation can relief trauma, emotional pain by learning to be what is now, on the other hand healing modalities such as fe EFT, although you say the sentence ‘although I feel this…, I accept myself as I am’, there seems to always be the tendency to fix things (see all the videos on so many issues). I need SIMPLICITY, RELAXATION above anything and this kind of EFT detective work, I don’t know what to think of it. Moreover I recently came across this extraordinary phenomenon (do you know him?): http://www.bruno-groening.org/english/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L22Oq9RyN_E My specific question to you is this one? I read Osho’s book on ‘Meditation’ and I wonder whether the ‘expansion’ meditation (becoming all encompassing) is not the best I can do with this constriction trauma pain in my chest. Can you give me any advice?

Love,
Fred

With meny thenks,

Zdenek Weber

The often quoted Kabat-Zinn definition to which you refer describes exactly what we, as SEPs, ask of our clients when we say, “So just notice that and let’s see what happens.” As we know, with trauma the body scan technique should be introduced with caution and only after definite grounding and resourcing skills have been developed. But when exploring difficult (not traumatic) situations–really ANY non-traumatic situation–helping clients to bring awareness to the situation (think SIBAM) is what we do and I know of no better way to help clients begin to develop this skill than through focusing on the breath and the body scan technique.

So as a personal development tool, SE IS mindfulness with special attention given the autonomic nervous system. The “…paying attention…on purpose, in the present moment…nonjudgmentally” to the autonomic nervous system and to the rest of the body develops a skill in clients that is generalizable to all situations because it’s always the present moment!